Among the greatest achievements in life is finding oneself. Only upon coming to an agreement with what you are, what you want, and how to get there does your life starts to take a defined shape after being blurred and confusing. The following articles is me trying to make sense of life, with all my short comings, ignorance, arrogance, and sadness I try to understand how I perceive life.

Friday, January 13, 2017

You Are Weak Mortal

1:45 PM Posted by Bean Ender , , No comments


You Are Weak Mortal



During one of Agatha Christie’s novels I read mid-2000s, the good old times when all you needed to baffle the police in a murder investigation was a bottle of cyanide, a murder case was initially blamed on post-cold depression. Now, given that I like to display my ignorance every time I open my mouth, I thought that the era’s lack of medical advancement was the cause of this “obvious medical error”, but I disregarded it and enjoyed the story. Fast forward to the end of 2016 where I catch a virus on Christmas eve that would keep me in bed for a week, and through recovery and withdrawal for additional two weeks. I found myself thinking why do we feel physically and emotionally feel weak due to illness? The explanation of that in return have further lead me down a spiral of thoughts on our characteristics as mortals and our obvious weaknesses that makes us who we are.


Have you ever focused on breathing? Do you notice how much more effort it takes when you are conscious of it and trying to control it? Imagine for a second that every function of your body must be controlled manually, that would be a nightmare, all our efforts will be spent in keeping us alive, and most likely will fail. We often take for granted that most of our body function runs automatically with next to no input on our behalf. One of the many Godly systems installed in our bodies is an antivirus called immune system. It is the most complex system in your body, and is made up of different organs, cells and proteins and aside from the nervous system (IQWiG, 2017). When we are sick this immune system focuses all its resources on fighting, killing, and conquering this invader. The usage of these resources and the lack of access to due to a war with foreign entities results in us feeling physically tired.


That is not the only thing happening to your body, shit gets deeper (but since shit comes from a deep place shouldn’t we say shit gets shallower?). Our immune system is also intertwined with neurologic and psychological systems (Wei, 2015), While protecting you, the immune system produce proinflammatory cytokines. This causes the brain to produce its own cytokines. According to psychiatrist and therapist Marlynn Wei, “These brain cytokines lead to fever, fatigue, depressed mood, lack of appetite, lack of motivation, social withdrawal, poor concentration, and altered sleeping patterns. In other words, the physical sickness caused by the inflammatory response significantly overlaps with depressive symptoms.” So, because your brain emulates similar symptoms to that of depression, It was often thought off post cold depression which Agatha Christie cleverly used in her book. Your body fools you into a state of which you are not.


We are often told, and sometimes, we experience our bodies fooling and failing us. Take our vision, inverted, and scattered, but the brain interrupts it as a whole. The color that you see, is everything but that color, and depending on each of us, it’s both objective and subjective. Our need to eat, drink, the release of food, and liquid. We need to sleep, and eventually, and inevitably die. Yet, we rule this earth as the highest "Animal" on the food chain. Our arrogance as species made us think at a point in time that we’re the center of the universe. Some of my acquaintance, mostly females, still thinks they personally are the center of the universe. We are weak, ignorant, and utter assholes, but, we have potential. If we humble ourselves and regain our childish curiosity we might still have hope in learning to harmonize and live within this vast universe.

Bibliography

IQWiG. (2017, 01 13). How does the Immune system work? Retrieved from PubMed Health: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0072548/
Wei, M. (2015). The Surprising Psychology of the Common Cold. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/urban-survival/201502/the-surprising-psychology-the-common-cold

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Yin-Yang: A Step onto the Unknown

Yin-Yang
A Step onto the Unknown




It gets crazy up there sometimes, I mean in my brain, the more you stick with me the more you’d realize that. Having said that, some of my thoughts would not make sense, some of them are incomplete, and some, like this topic, cannot be proven. I will do my best to grind the gears of my rusting gray matter as best as I can. I have been reading some Chinese light novels lately (wuxia/xianxian). While their content is entertaining within itself, the common philosophy within them inspired and intrigued the idea of this discussion. See, Yin-yang as a concept have three branches in Chinese philosophy (Wang, 2016). Our theory combines all three to show that through meditation and unison with nature we could potentially control the content of our dreams, and use it within the conscious realm.

You are still here and didn’t call a mental asylum to get me into a straight jacket, good, let us continue.  First, we'll explore dreams, Sigmund Freud once said that dreams are a window into our unconscious. There is no doubt that our dreams are often influenced by our conscious, but does the flow works both ways? I would argue yes, there are plenty of physical evidence supporting that. Examples, how many times did you dream that your falling just to find your physical body jolting? People who experience sleep paralysis (Watch The Nightmare, 2015), people who sleepwalk, I for once almost committed suicide as a kid while sleep walking. I’ll take it a step further, people who daydream, yes daydream, mobs could surround you, and you’d still find yourself lost in your own world, not blinking, not moving, just staring into the abyss of reality and you do not see.

Wakeup! Saw you drifting off there. Why the concept of being able to control our dreams useful? Depending on what type of a person you are, we spend between 5-9 hours sleeping every night (12 if you are a lazy fucker, yes, you know you yourself). While we all exhibit REM (rapid eye movement) sleep (McNamara, People who Do not Dream, 2012), it does not necessarily mean we are within the dream world, however, it does mean that our brain is cognitive. Furthermore, during sleep our sympathetic nervous system activity rises dramatically (McNamara, The Very, Very Strange Properties of REM Sleep, 2011). Before this turns into the scientific journal of Wacky Koko, let me tell what I want by all of this. Unlike reality where we are limited by 24 hours cage, the unconscious realm frees us from these constraints. You could experience days in a matter of hours, minutes, or even seconds.

Do you know what’s common between boxers, professional race car drivers, and high caliber surgeons? They all perform shadow versions of their profession. They imagine themselves doing their operations repeatedly until they are 100% sure of success. What if we can access this function in our subconscious (dreams) and retain the experience in our conscious (reality). Throughout history, Asian martial artists have paid special attention to meditation and the growth of Qi*pronounced Chi or Kee* (Vital Energy), coherent fabric of nature and mind, exhibited in all existence (Wang, 2016)….Yin-Yang. Through this processes of harmonizing with nature, we reach a pinnacle of blank state, or more accurately a calm state of mind.

Imagine your mind as an ocean, the thoughts is a storm, and you are a ship. A calm state of mind is like a summer wind in clear ocean. Years of meditation and dedication could make that ship sail calmly and see beyond the storms that ravage the mind. The possibility to navigate between the conscious and unconscious then exist. Whenever I wanted to write a song or complete a poem that I get stuck on from time to time, I would keep myself up after my regular bedtime just so I can experience drifting into the creative side of my brain (this might, of course, be just my imagination and be complete bullshit, but it works for me).
 
This theory of mine is limited, I see a lot of flaws in it. For example, in my theory, we can only experience what we know in real life and build upon it. Meaning, the physical sensation that is unknown to you remains unknown. You can’t read a book that you’ve never read, you cannot taste a flavor that you never drank. You can master your craft, review your studies, reach new theories, or rediscover known theories, and practice techniques. It will better the memory, and strengthen the character. I do not know how technology, electricity, cell phones, and all these things affect our life. I do feel however that staying away from technology during meditation and sleep is necessary for reaching a pure state of mind. The support for this believe, is that nature gives you mental fortitude. Whenever we were in training camp my coach would tell us, it’s not so much the physical benefit that you are gaining, but mental fortitude. Look at most physical campaigns; you’ll find it either in mountains, resorts, snow filled areas, or desert filled areas, just connecting with nature in general.

So, How do we test this is real? We have the hypothesis, we need to put it to test, but there is one unknown factor in my theory! Time. I do not know how long we need to do this to see results. Also, I do not think we have resources for a proper scientific experiment with a control group and experimental group. Also, with anything that deals with the unconscious, we would have to worry about the placebo effect. How often do we hear about people following a cult, I fear if this experiment implemented it would meet a similar effect of polar opposites. So for now, I through the thought to the ground. Whether the seed would grow or not, well, only time could tell.




References

McNamara, P. (2011, August 13). The Very, Very Strange Properties of REM Sleep. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dream-catcher/201108/the-very-very-strange-properties-rem-sleep
McNamara, P. (2012, April 21). People who Do not Dream. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dream-catcher/201204/people-who-do-not-dream
Wang, R. R. (2016, December 22). Yinyang(Yin-yang). Retrieved from Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy: http://www.iep.utm.edu/yinyang/



Monday, December 19, 2016

The mind Between love, lust, and biological needs

6:35 PM Posted by Bean Ender , , , , , , , , No comments
The mind
Between love, lust, and biological needs


I have for the past few years been passively looking for a partner in life.  Maybe due to fears of rejection, maybe because I don’t truly like myself, so I fear not being capable of liking others, or maybe due to the unrealistic movie plots that I hope to stumble upon love right around the corner.  Whatever the reason is, I find myself a lonely sad 30 years old man with no noticeable success in life or experience. I do admit that some of my beliefs are outdated, but unless others can refute these beliefs with logical and reasonable discussions I don’t see a need for change.  All of this is neither here or there, and it’s not what I want to explore and discuss. I wanted to revert to my timeline and explain the different emotions that I have felt toward the opposite sex and how to classify it.

My biggest curse, my greatest blessing, my brain. It has always guided me along the way, not my heart, feelings, or any other unknown unexplained measure of judgment we might have. Not to say that it have always guided me on the right path, no, not at all, we stumbled, we got fooled, we got used, manipulated, but for the most part, it has done well with me. For that reason, it became the final judge for all my decisions. If you trust emotional decisions to your brain, be sure that it will always lead you to the right path, even if you're fucked once or twice along the way.

If love is a two-way street it's somehow empty whenever I am along. The closest love experience that I had was at fourteen. I was attracted to a teammate of mine for two years, and during these years I told everyone that I am attracted to her, and would like to pursue an active relationship with her .... except.... That I never told her. Then I left the country never to return, she is now married to a friend of mine, who use to try to convince that she is the wrong choice for me, and have two or maybe three kids. Ever since that experience I have decided that whenever I like somebody I would tell them, life is short as it is without missed opportunities.

The filthy part, my needs *wink, wink* high school every kid with shit stains stuck to their underwear is with a girl, peer pressure is setting in and I am looking even for a donkey to stick it in. God damn Natalie was hot, Argentinian, black silky hair, and a body slim and tall as described in the holy sex book. Don't get your hopes up, I was a secret admirer for a semester, then confessed in the next, rejected, then got to school back the next day. I didn't give up, lowered my standard picked the next target, and bow boom shakla laka pon pon rejected....FUCK Highschool.....
Believe or not I did reject three relationships, one of which was extremely attractive, but it came to me after I picked my target. I might've been a dick, but I'm a focused dick, single targets only. But, regardless of how much biological needs you have, if there is no attraction, there is no attraction, throw one to the birds, or go make a deposit in a sperm bank.

Lust is a must, or is it? The dictionary (hahaha dic....) defines lust as intense sexual desire. I think that's wrong, I think that lust is a strong emotional desire or craving for a sexual act. Let me first say that love would include lust, biological needs, and encompasses a whole range of emotions, the other feelings do not have to be accompanied by love. Hence, lust is a lacking emotion which can cause some major issues in your life. When you confuse lust and love you are succumbing to your biological needs which take over all other thinking operations. You become a target for manipulation, blackmail, cheating, and other weakness. Have you ever heard of individuals who stay with their partners after they cheat on them, "But I love her/him so much", fuck you, no, this is not love. This is possession and fear, you fear that you won't find anyone of your caliber, and you feel a sense of entitlement not to lose what you already have.

No human being is ever worth you showering them with emotions that they don't reciprocate. Love is a continues emotion, day in and day out that you constantly keep on developing. expecting anybody to love you for what you are, except for your mother and even she thinks you're an asshole, is unrealistic. Take a step back every now and then to assess your relations, do not over think it. Do not allow bitches (being male or female.... Yaaahooo feminism) manipulate you, use you, blackmail you emotionally, cut them from your life and keep on moving forward. If you meet someone who deserves you and you deserve them, well that's great, if not, well, fuck it and throw it in a bucket. Know your morals, what are the aspects that you are looking for in your partner? Test each based on the criteria that you set. I mean here those things that you can't live without, those things that make you, you. And if you cannot find love like me, I wish love would find you.